Today’s post is dedicated to Maria Grande for her generous donation of a 9 cup Kitchen Aid food processor to the Roll With It kitchen. Without her, this recipe would have taken a week!
This is an awkward shuffle moment. What do I mean by that? Any time that there is a moment where it is awkward (often in a group setting), I will refer to the awkward shuffle. Here is how the awkward shuffle came about:
The office intern is leaving the office and we are all having a little good-bye gathering in the main office space. I am the new kid in the office and so I am eager to please and be on my best behaviour. We are all asking the intern what she will be doing for the rest of the summer. She answers casually with “First I’m off to Halliburton, then I will stop quickly to see my wife here in Toronto and then out to Halifax.” “Oh” we all say pretending like we didn’t hear that. Then I, trying to be funny, pipe up with enthusiasm “And by wife do you mean husband?” and she replies “No, by wife, I mean wife”. And instead of just letting the conversation end there I try to cover up my foolish question with a never-ending ramble of “Oh…well, because sometimes I call my husband my wife because he can act like a wife sometimes and I am always..” My co-worker quickly interrupts me “So anyways…”. As I look around the room, everyone has widened their eyes to the size of golf balls and the colour in their faces was now a hue of white from the utter SHOCK that I had continued this conversation, pretty much insulting the entire staff there.
So, I decided that I should leave. Good decision Suzanne. But instead of just walking away quietly, perhaps with my head hung low, ashamed of how I had completely made a fool of myself, I instead walked away “in style”. Total performer’s exit. I raised my hands into jazz hands, moved them in a circle pattern and sideways shuffled out of the room. Exit stage left, folks. I am not kidding. At the time, this was instinctual. There was no thought behind it and absolutely NO SHAME.
Then, a few minutes later, my boss came into my office and said “Whoa, that was awkward”. Without blinking an eye I said “What, really? I didn’t think so. Well, maybe kinda with the wife thing. But no, not really”. He looked at me, paused, then smiled, raised his hands into jazz hands, moved them in a circle pattern and sideways shuffled out of the room. Exit stage right. Enter the birth of the awkward shuffle. From there on in, the awkward shuffle gesture was used and still is used anytime there is an awkward moment.
This recipe is one that my Mom is famous for. This is not her recipe, nor mine, hence the awkward shuffle. It is called ‘Million Dollar Relish’ and as far as I know it comes from one of Company’s Coming Preserves cookbook. This is my favourite green relish recipe EVER! My siblings and I beg, borrow and steal from each other just for a jar of it! I asked my Mom to bring me some when she was out this past April, but some how she “forgot” (I know you’re secretly hording it Mom…). I’ve tried to clean this up as much as possible, using natural organic evaporated cane sugar and cutting the amount down from 6 cups to 3 cups per batch. Tastes just as good! Also, who doesn’t like the anti-inflammatory spice turmeric? Word from the wise, don’t wear white when making this relish….turmeric stains bad folks. Canning can seem like a daunting task, but I didn’t really know how much work it was until I got into the thick of it! No, I’m not going to pretend it was easy. Trust me, it is worth it for this recipe. This is a condiment you will love forever. Sweet, salty and tangy, it goes great on just about anything and everything! Seriously, can you tell I love this stuff? Now, I am going to exit stage left with my awkward shuffle…
- 12 garden cucumbers with peel
- 2 lb Onions
- 3 green peppers, seeds removed
- 2 red peppers, seeds removed
- ½ cup coarse sea salt
- 10 cups boiling water (approx)
- 2 ½ cups white vinegar
- 3 cups organic evaporated cane sugar (I got mine at Trader Joe's)
- 2 tbsp mustard seed
- 1 tbsp turmeric
- 2 tbsp cornstarch
- 2 tbsp cold water
- Cut cucumbers, onions, green peppers and red peppers into chunks. Shred through food processor and place into large pot. Sprinkle with salt. Pour boiling water over all. Cover and let stand overnight on counter.
- In morning, drain mixture well. Add vinegar, sugar, mustard seed and turmeric. Bring to a boil over medium heat. Stir often. Boil slowly for 30 minutes.
- Stir cornstarch into cold water. Stir into boiling pickle until thickened slightly,
- Pour into hot sterilized jars leaving ¼ of an inch at the top. Seal. Makes about 8, 500ml jars.
Have you ever had a memorable awkward moment? Feel free to share your awkward moments by leaving a comment. Then we can all awkward shuffle together!